The Story Behind Vision of the Grail

This story begins in June of 1995 when I read an article in New Age Journal about the Labyrinth. Something inside me became very excited. I had a feeling that I was supposed to find one and walk on it. I lived in Palo Alto on the San Francisco Peninsula, and although it is not that far from the city of San Francisco, I had hoped there might be a Labyrinth somewhere closer to my residence.

So I called a man who was a customer at the bookstore where I worked on Sundays, as he was well versed in the Labyrinth, which he called the Dromenon. Frank, who is Luke in the story, offered to take me to walk on the Labyrinth in San Francisco, and the story depicts what actually happened on that walk. However, what occurred on our way home, was that Frank asked our mutual friend Margret (Helen in the story) and me if we would like to accompany him on his trip to New Mexico in October. He would be there for five days on retreat, and would love to show us the magical state he was intending to move to in a few years.

I do not particularly like to travel, but without hesitation, I said I would certainly come to New Mexico. I was as amazed as my friends and family were when I told them I was going. Something else was directing this venture, and I had enough sense to follow.

The trip to New Mexico involved many things described in the book. The experience with the mountains and the tree and the Indian museum and village were all depictions of actual impressions and happenings.

When we left New Mexico, I sobbed…feeling wrenched from my "family" and home. I attempted to sketch my impressions of the mountains and searched for books that would show the ones I had felt such kinship to.

In February of 1996 we walked the Labyrinth again, and while engaged in the process, I received a message. "Your work is going to change. You will leave what you are doing and move into your greater work. This has been your apprenticeship. The bigger work will now begin."

I left the Labyrinth and sat on the sideline, looking up at the windows. "Great!" I thought. That was fine with me, but how would I make a living, and what was my new work? I had questions with no answers. Now the process of finding my way to it would begin. I shared what I'd received with Frank and Margret, and she got "chills," feeling that indeed something amazing was about to happen.

At the end of March I realized that I had to do something to make more money, and decided I would have to take another consulting job to supplement my income. I lead an unusual lifestyle…piecing together aspects of income in order to have the freedom to be me. Now, the prospect loomed ahead of me again to find other avenues of financial support, although I wasn't happy about it.

That day, I had an appointment with a friend who did cranial sacral work, and as she asked me what I was doing, I told her about my need to find a part time job. She became very animated and excitedly proposed that I think about helping organize a new office for her and her fiancé who were in the midst of combining their practices. She said I could name my hours and come to work for as long or as little as I wanted. She said, "don't answer now…go home and think about it. We're not going to do this 'til May, so you have some time."

I went home, amazed at how quickly my thoughts had manifested an offer of work. I also felt dejected about it, because I had done this before. In an attempt to supplement my income, I'd taken work that wasn't my work, and my creativity came to a halt. The end result was always frustration, and I had the feeling of walking back into a box for the sake of security.

During the next week, I had a dream. In the dream, I was at their office and could find their shoes, but none of my own. I then left the office and got onto my tricycle to ride home….going down a steep hill with no brakes. I then went to a group of foreigners and asked where I lived. They didn't know and did not speak English. Next scene, I was leaving the office, looking for my car. It had been stolen, and when I asked a repairman if he'd seen anyone take it, he told me he was working undercover and would not say anything.

The dream kept unfolding in a manner that told me clearly that I was selling myself to something that would allow me no identity or fulfillment, and I woke up very aware of the message it was giving. However, I needed the work, so was still considering the offer.

As another week passed, I felt like a flake, not giving an answer to a very nice offer. I had decided I would tell my friend "yes" at our next scheduled appointment. On the day before I was to see her, I was in the bathroom putting on my makeup when the voice that I heard on the Labyrinth "spoke" to me. It suggested that I should take the time I would work for the friend and write instead, supplementing my income with my savings for six months…or until the end of the year. I thought about that. It was an idea, but I had no idea what I would write about. A technical book on the subject I'd been working with for 18 years? My newsletter? No. Neither of those things felt appropriate, and I was left again with a possibility, but no answer.

I went to my appointment and told my friend what had happened, and that I had always taken jobs in the past when I got scared about not having enough money, but that this time I was going to have to invest in myself (which was a message I'd been getting since the early 1980s and never followed). She told me that if she was responsible for me doing more of my creative work, she was delighted, and there were no hard feelings. In fact, she was overjoyed for me.

So the weeks passed, and I still had no idea what I would write. About a week after reading The Tenth Insight, by James Redfield, I was sitting in my living room in the morning with a cup of tea, looking out at the garden, and the voice came. You should write a book. "Fine," I replied. "What about?" You should write a book about life, about the things you've experienced and know, and you should write it as fiction. "Fiction? I don't do fiction!" I responded. Yes, you can. I will help you. Model it after the Celestine Prophecy. It doesn't have to be great literature. It has to bring a message of awakening to people. Go on. Go upstairs now and sit at your computer. You can do it. I became very excited. I thought about it. The Celestine Prophecy and The Tenth Insight were books with good messages, but they were not well written, and I was always annoyed with the contrived violence. Perhaps I could do something. If not, I would throw my attempts away. So I went upstairs, flipped on my computer and began. I had the first sentence in my head and would start there. As I glanced at the clock on my computer, it was 11:11, and the music on my CD was Amazing Grace.

As I began writing, ideas tumbled in my mind, and I poured them out as I went. I called my friend Margret and read the first two pages to her, and she got "chills" again. "Oh, Kathleen…you really have something here. You must continue. This is going to be an important work. Not just for you, but for other people as well." And so the story began.

I was surprisingly energized. I would work for 10 and 12 hours a day on the book without noticing the passing of time. Other things took me away from this work that was becoming a living experience. While I wrote about the New Mexico portion of the journey, I had tapes on by Chris Isaak and the Gypsy Kings. Frank had given me old issues of New Mexico magazines, and I cut pictures out of them that reflected the natural setting that I loved there. I taped them to my computer monitor and all over the room, so I would feel as though I were there. It would surprise me when I came out of my writing and found myself in California. When I walked, ideas would flow through my mind. One morning a large black crow cawed at me and followed as I walked. I looked to see what he wanted, but he just made me aware that he was there, and this was how he came to be part of the story.

When I wrote one of the chapters, I initially called it Human Energy Systems. I went into an explanation of graphs and charts on a table in the back of the room and was totally stuck. It felt wooden and had nowhere to go. I stopped in frustration and looked up and called out, "Help!" The voice presented itself. What help do you want? You seem intent on doing this your way, so go ahead. "No! I want your help. I can't write this by myself." So the presence seemed to ask if I really did want assistance, and I was adamant. "I want this to be your book. I'm merely your scribe." With that, I erased the chapter title, and in its place flowed the words, Rivers of Light. And in my room, "standing" before me with incredible grace was a beautiful Indian woman in a sari. "Namaste!"…and the chapter began.

This continuous process of writing, being inspired, stopping to review where I was going, checking out how much I was willing to give up control, starting again…adding, subtracting. Expanding, contracting. The process was a life process. I was growing as I was writing and learning in the process. I saw how much I liked being in control, and the importance of not being in control. When I came to the end of the New Mexico adventure in the story, there was a tangible constriction in my throat. I didn't want to leave the place I loved. It was a hard adjustment, and the return to the Bay Area was not easy for me, even though I'd physically been there the whole time! Walking became my way of working through the process. I would come home with renewed intention or a fresh idea.

The project began on May 4 and was completed in its first draft on June 24th. Aside from obligations to family and get-togethers with friends plus my Sundays at the bookstore, I did very little else. Some days I actually wrote for 14 or 16 hours. And there were days when I would get up at 4AM and start writing. I realized that I had fallen in love, not just with the characters, but with the process. I loved what I was doing, and then read on a desk calendar that had sayings from Thomas Moore's Care of the Soul, that if your work is not your lover, it is not your work. Again, synchronicity. Everywhere if we pay attention. This "assignment" was the fullest thing I'd ever been given so far, and as I wrote and rewrote, I showed the unfolding story to various friends who became my readers and critics. They were generous in their praise and encouraging in the process. Everyone wanted me to go on because they all felt there was something in this that was important for others, that it must be shared with the world.

I had no idea where it was going, nor did it matter. I was following the guidance that prompted me, and the result was a deep enrichment of my life.

Many of the characters in the story are modeled after real people. Some are not. It doesn't matter, because the essence of what this book has to impart is a process for the reader. It is a journey of awakening, and as the author, I have needed to grow into the message as much as anyone. In the intervening years, I've re-read the story many times, and each time there is something new that reveals itself, giving me another level of understanding about life and my place in it that I did not fully know before.

I urge you to let the words wash over you as you read. It was impressed upon me that the wording was important, and that there was much more going on at a subtle level than a mere story. I have had enough feedback from others who are sensitive to this type of energy to feel that this is so.

Vision of the Grail has gone through two printings. I published the original book according to guided instructions in 1996, and a small publisher picked it up in 2001, even though I had misgivings about their ability to adequately market it. My instincts proved correct, and they went out of business the following year due to mismanagement. Therefore, Vision of the Grail is now out of print. However, earlier this year (2006), I received phone calls from several people who told me they picked the book up after having read it years ago and re-read it. They reported that they found the information so valid for this time period that they strongly suggested I find a new publisher…that other people needed to read what was in the book. It was then that I determined if www.Planetlightworker.com would like to serialize the entire book, I would be happy to let them. So in June 2006, the serialization of the book is taking place. They will release one or two chapters per month until it is finished. For those who would like to have the actual book, there are still a few to be had that can be ordered through this website or from Amazon.com. For those who want to read the book as a download, I am offering it for $6. Check the order information page for more information.

So, friends…that is the story behind the story of Vision of the Grail. It has been an amazing journey, and a new one begins as I write the sequel, The Riddle of Our Ancestors. It goes much more slowly, but has important information that will be of value, too.